Creative Journey of Bipolar Disorder by Roz Long

Author:Roz Long
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Roz Long
Published: 2012-03-14T16:00:00+00:00

Abuse

During the fall, the vibrant colors from the trees permeated the prison walls, creating a rainbow of hope. As the leaves fell, our times together lasted longer and were more frequent. Our layering of emotional protection began to unfold itself.

Clint began to talk about his home life as a child, his father’s excessive drinking, the physical abuse while his father was drinking, and the rivalry between parents due to the effects of alcoholism.

As we walked around the grounds, viewing the beautiful fall colors, he asked, “Why does a bottle of alcohol have so much influence on a person’s life? Why is my father so powerless over a drink? Why would he rather socialize with his booze than spend an hour with his son? Why would he hit me for no reason?” As he asked me these questions, I could see the abandonment of a lost child. A child who yearned for some attention from his father.

“Your father is an alcoholic who is powerless over alcohol. He has a disease that he has no control over. Every time he drinks, he will not be able to stop himself. I know this from going to AA meetings. My ex-husband is an alcoholic. An alcoholic has two choices: stop drinking and get support or continue to drink and lose many loved ones, including losing himself. That’s why I am no longer married. My ex-husband continues to drink. I used to think I was crazy. He wanted me to think that I was to blame for all his irresponsibility. I finally realized that he was the one who was crazy. Unfortunately, the progression of alcoholism becomes haunting—loss of family, finances, and health. A funeral in the waiting.”

His eyes would not look at me. He understood. Minutes seemed to turn into hours before Clint began to speak. Then his eyes searched the comfort of mine. “I hate my dad for what he has done to me. The hurt of abandonment is so painful that it keeps me up at night.” Suddenly, he transformed himself into a victim of uncontrollable anger, an anger that could suffocate both of us. I didn’t recognize this person. Pain surrounded us. I felt the wall between us rebuilding itself. I sensed his loneliness and isolation from society. “Why should I trust anyone?” he asked. “All trust ever gave me was more abuse. Who really cares about me? My father certainly does not. All he cares about is his bottle of booze. Then there is my mother. All she cares about is keeping him away from the bottle.”

I could see how the abuse from alcoholism was so devastating to this young, creative boy. This act of victimization was damaging to his human spirit. There is no such thing as a willing victim. He is a child who deserved the love and protection of his father. His father can be seen as an individual who destroyed the innocence, trust, sensitivity, kindness, and humanness in another human being. This is called neglect of a child.

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